He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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