dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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