I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
