Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
