You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
