now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
