did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
