Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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