a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
