plz talk dirty to me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
