Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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