dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
