Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
