You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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