HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
