She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
