Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
