Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
