Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
