You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So squirting runs in the family.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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