I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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