I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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