if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
