Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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