I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
