If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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