Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's never too late to be topless.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
