My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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