I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
