I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
