Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
