Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
