Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got chris browned last night
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
