I look better un-naked...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i now understand why vodka
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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