Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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