I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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