i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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