how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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