no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
