right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
