You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
