Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
