I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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