i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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