he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
