Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
