My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
