i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
