My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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