I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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