Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All the doctor said was why
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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